Friday, September 30, 2005

So today was actually sweet

First off:



The meeting with the bigwigs went okay I guess. I didn't say a whole lot, but my union rep is basically fucking sweet. Apparently the ultimate goal is to have the suspension lifted from my record in a year tops, not the 5 it would normally be on there. I won't be around long enough to really care how long it's there, but hey, it gets me off a till for a bit.

Kayla and I went for sushi and a movie, and we had a sweet time. Between the ladies behind us talking about their saggy tits and the ticket taker checking me out, we just had a blast. She's so fun to hang out with. I'm le happy she is le friend of mine.

2 more days and I actually get a day off.

I'm gunna move into Dan's room because he's not using it any more.

So making that new blog

Has really spurred my creativity for some reason. No songs yet, but I'm writing more than I have been. I'm working on a new Nex profile, so that'll be sweet, and it'll be blogged.

I also made a quick page for all the links on that blog so if you wanna reread them, you can find them a bit easier.

Tomorrow is haircut, dinner and movie with Kayla.

Maybe a purchase of Indigo Prophecy.

Tomorrow is also my meeting for my grievance for getting suspended. I'm sick again. I'm gunna be talking to head office bigwigs and union reps while hopped up on shit.

This will be fun.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Mmmm lunch

I made fetucini (which I still don't how to spell) with an alfredo with sundried tomato sauce for lunch.

It's yummy.

Updated Thoughts on Hold, and I'm gunna eventually put a link in the sidebar of that blog that will have a list of all the things I post there, in order, for easy findage.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Raise your hand if you've fallen asleep with the lights on more than once this week

*raises hand*

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Word verification

I've gotten a few spam like comments the last couple days on here, so I just turned on word verification for comments in both the blogs.

Two down

five to go.

I can't wait until Monday.

I'm working on a piece for Thoughts On Hold, entitled The Art of Getting Lost in the Crowd.

Monday, September 26, 2005

I have a new appreciation

For the Matthew Good album "Avalanche".

I won't lie, while I liked the solo stuff, to me, it just didn't resonate as much as the MGB albums did. After hearing the acoustic tracks on In A Coma, as well as the new songs and the b-side from the Audio of Being, and watching the videos with the commentary, I think something just came over me. Instead of randomly jumping songs in my mp3 player like I've been doing, I decided to listen to Avalanche on the way to and from work, and the whole time it was hard to not have a smile on my face.

I dunno what it is, but goddamn does that album kick ass.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Thoughts on Hold

Thoughts on Hold is up with one little story thing and an introduction of sorts. I'll fix the formatting of the story later because Dad and I are gunna go mall it up.

Saturday, September 24, 2005


new template is up and running, in only 40 minutes!

New template

The other one was pissing me off with the gaps in posts.

I'll color this one and add links later.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

New blog

has been created, but I don't feel like screwing around with what little I have to do. Stay tuned.

On an unrelated note, The acoustic tracks on In A Coma are fucking stunning.

Monday, September 19, 2005

I don't usually do the "repost if you believe it" thing

but for this, I will make one huge exception.

I am the guy who came out to the entire school in his senior speech and got a standing ovation for his courage.

I am the girl who kisses her girlfriend on the sidewalk and laughs at those who glare.

We are the couple who planned and studied and got a damn good lawyer and BEAT the state that wanted to take our child away.

We are the ones who took martial arts classes and carry pepper spray and are just too dangerous to gay bash.

I am the transgender person who uses the bathroom that suits me, and demands that any complaining staff explain their complaint to my face in front of the entire restaurant -- and shares with my other trans friends which restaurants don't raise a stink.

I am the mother who told her lesbian daughter to invite her girlfriend over for dinner.

I am the father who punished his son for calling you a fag.

I am the preacher who told my congregation that love, not hate, is the definition of a true follower of God.

I am the girl who did not learn the meaning of "homosexual" until high school but never thought to question why two men might be kissing.

I am the woman who argues (quite loudly and vehemently) with the bigots who insist that you do not have the right to marry or raise children.

We are the high school class who agrees, unanimously, along with our teacher, that love should be all that matters.

If you agree, repost this. Do it. You don't have to be afraid. You can handle it. You're stronger than you think.

I am making a difference. Hate will not win.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

I'm gunna

make a new blog soon.

I won't get rid of this one though.

It'll all make sense.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

10,000 voices

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

As I'm sure most of you know

Brynn and I broke up on Monday. We're both doing as okay as we can, and we're both being mature and sensible about it, and it's making things easier. Here's what she wrote in her blog on Monday, which explains things perfectly:

"The end of the best relationship I've ever had in my life, with the best guy I've ever met in my life, marks this day.

It wasn't a decision either of us wanted to make, but it's the most mature and best decision as of right now. I can't be happy anymore in a long distance relationship, and Shane needs to kickstart his life (as he put it). I still want to be with him, I still want to marry him, I still want everything to be the way it was. But we've got to think about ourselves as individuals for right now. I've been fretting over this for days, and being the amazing guy he is, he understood, and that made things 110% easier. We're both upset, but circumstances permitting, this wouldn't have crossed either of our minds. I love him, I always will, and if he ever decides that Sacramento is a place he can be for good, then we will pick up where we left off. I'm still going to be there for him in every way that I always have been, and him with me. I still want him to visit, still want him to call, I still want to tell him I love him desperately.

It's been a rough day, but I know things will work themselves out.

I love you."

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

One day I swear

I will figure out how to fix that fucking gap in between posts.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Something I should mention

Even through all the stuff I wrote in the last blog, and whatever may happen from now on, I'm still the same Shane that everyone knows and loves.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Okay, so here it goes

About a month ago I promised a couple of very good friends of mine a nice long blog entry about things, and never got around to it- I couldn't find the words. This isn't THAT blog entry, but it's one that is far more important to me, one that is far more important to my happiness than the other one would have been. They know what the last entry was to be about, and really, that's what matters. You two know who you are, and thank you bunches.

Ok, so where to begin? This is usually the hard part. The last week or so, as some of you may know, some better than others, I've been off. Not myself. Whatever you wanna call it. I've taken to doing some thinking about things, some problems I have that, until now, only a couple people knew about. Now it's everyone elses turn. It's not that I don't trust any of you, I guess I was just scared that you would judge me or something, and we'd lose what we had. I had to make sure to myself that I could say these things to people, and once I found I could, I knew I could say them to everyone, so here it goes.

Like I'm sure most of you know, I don't sleep well, and it started happening after I started living with my mom almost exclusively after my parents broke up. I got used to functioning on 14-18 hours of sleep a week. Eventually I got sick of that though, and over the last couple years, if I've needed them, I'd take some over the counter sleeping meds to help me sleep. Now, when I get stressed out, I can't sleep, so of course I have to take meds, and it isn't all that often that I have to do it, but when I do, it usually ends up not being that pretty. The first night, I'll only take one or two, but the next night, I'll take the one or two, and then I think "just one more, just in case... just two more, just in case". I'll take far too many and wake up in the middle of the night, puking my guts out then going to bed, feeling like shit and feeling like shit for the rest of the day.

Yup, you heard it. I abuse sleeping pills sometimes.

You know what though? I'm sick of it. I'm sick of using them as a way to deal with stress. It's not good for my body, and in the end, it's really not good for my mind. I'm finally finding the strength to say "no, you don't need these, you can sleep fine", and you know what- I believe it. I think once I can get past this, you'll find a much happier Shane, and that's important for me.

I'm also somewhat self destructive when I sleep. I'm sure some of you remember the gnawing of the knuckle incident. I've also destroyed toenails and have slept right through it. I dunno what it is, but this is something I definitely would love to get past this too. Not sure why I do this, but if I find out I'll let you know.

Final thing I need to get out. When I'm stressed/sullen/depressed/etc etc, I do what is essentially the bare minimum I need to do to survive- very few meals, all really small, plus lack of sleep=Shane worse for the wear.

I know these things are detrimental to my well-being, physically and mentally, and I know that I'm sick of it, and I know I want things to change, so change they will.

Hopefully I'll be a happier person because of it.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Daphne Gottlieb

is basically the only poet I can read without getting bored.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Truffle Pigs

Don't fail me now, don't you even fucking think it
We're dead somehow but somehow we're still breathing
The secret's out but it's too loud to think it
Whatever drowns the counting machines out that drive you, drive you

To eat, to eat shit
Damn, I'll bring them to their knees
Damn, I'll bring them to their knees
Damn, I'll bring them to their knees

Don't leave me now, don't you even fucking think it
I'm not myself but somehow I'm still being him
The secret's out but it's too loud to think it
Whatever drowns the truffle pigs out that drive you, drive you

To eat, to eat shit
To eat, to eat shit
Damn, I'll bring them to their knees
Damn, I'll bring them to their knees
Damn, I'll bring them to their knees
Damn, I'll bring them to their knees
Damn, I'll bring them to their knees
Damn, I'll bring them to their knees
Damn, I'll bring them to their knees
Jen, I'll bring them to their knees

- Matt Good Band

One day

it's all going to spill.