Friday, January 27, 2006

I just finished the book "Hard Love"

And I'm pretty much done shaking, but I'm still kind of a wreck. This book hit me. Hard. Not because I'm in love with someone who can't love me back the way I need them to, because that's not it, but because I feel trapped and don't know how and am too fucking scared to try to make things okay and, in a sense, escape.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

2 things

1) I finally got a new cell phone.
2) With the Conservatives winning the election, even though it's a minority, I still fear for Canada.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

After minutes of thought I have concluded

That I'm not sure I know what I'm doing any more.

Monday, January 16, 2006

I really need a bookcase

New arrivals:

Hard Love by Ellen Wittlinger
Watership Down by Richard Adams
Homewrecker: An Adultery Reader, edited by Daphne Gottlieb

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Shake Hands With the Devil

I'm just about at the end of Shake Hands With the Devil, Romeo Dallaire's book about the Rwandan genocide. It is moving, terrifying and frustrating all at once.

Now, what I find absolutely absurd is that Dallaire and his Chapter 6 peacekeeping mission (chapter 6 being a standard peacekeeping mission, where the mandate is usually not to use deadly force unless fired upon, or, as in UNAMIR's case, to prevent humanatarian atrocities) ended up having to monitor the Rwandan rebel army (who won the civil war) and the French (in country on a chapter 7 peacekeeping mission, which is a peace enforcement mission, a la Somalia).

Monday, January 09, 2006

Today at work in the smokeshop

I basically pulled 9 songs outta my head and wrote them down out of boredom, with some lyrical variations from the originals I'm sure but they're up on Thoughts on Hold.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

I am in a much better mood today

The last couple of days have been pretty much horrible for the most part, so I think I can quit being a whiny little emo kid and get back to the inane blogging that I do so well.

Friday, January 06, 2006

I guess I'll start

I have a tendency to get too attached to things before I have a clear idea of what might happen, and then, put all my heart into it, leading myself to be incredibly hurt when things don't work out.

Oh what the hell

While we're at it, how about everyone goes nuts and tells me about my flaws- what they are, why you think they're that way, how I might be able to fix them, that sorta thing.

I'm not just doing this because I'm still kinda drunk and pretty much pissed off at everything, but I really am interested. I told Brynn when we broke up that I think I needed time to soul search and find out who I think I am, and this can be a way to help me.

You know what I love about drinking?

That when things don't go how you wanted them to, you pick apart your flaws and come to the conclusion that you're possibly the biggest fuck up the world has ever seen.

Someone fucking kill me.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Every so often

someone will come along and you'll find you can just open up to them even though you don't know them all that well.

I wish it happened more often, to be perfectly honest.

And for the record, the word "someone" is a link.

I should fix that so you can, you know... see it.

I was debating about making a Happy New Year post

Bur really, who cares?